Is Breastfeeding Supposed to Make You Feel Good?

I experienced a lot of positive feelings while breastfeeding my babies. I’ve had many conversations and seen many posts describing similar experiences. You might feel very relaxed, happy, bonded, secure, and even overwhelmingly euphoric. But that’s not the case for everyone.

Why Breastfeeding Often Feels Good

You make a lot of great hormones during pregnancy to help your baby grow and to develop a placenta. These hormones might not make you feel great emotionally, and you might even feel very tired or miserable. You make a lot of other hormones during labor and birth. These hormones are designed to make your uterus work and change the cervix so that your baby can be born. It might be obvious that this doesn’t usually feel great either. You might then have a very big dose of certain hormones right after birth that can help you feel amazing. A lot of bonding with your baby can happen during this time, and you might feel on top of the world. AND THEN there is a very dramatic drop in hormone levels. Maybe the birth was very difficult. Maybe you don’t feel like you have enough support around you or feel like you’re not fully equipped to take care of a newborn. A lot of people start to have emotional ups and downs that can continue for a couple of weeks or even longer.

The Hormones Behind Breastfeeding Emotions

Breastfeeding can often be a balm during this time. Oxytocin is a feel good hormone that helps you bond with your baby and that promotes the let-down reflex for breastfeeding. Your body can provide oxytocin in a lot of different ways. Just looking at your baby or holding your baby (especially skin-to-skin) can make your body produce oxytocin. Nipple stimulation is also a big oxytocin maker. Oxytocin is one big reason why it can feel very good to breastfeed. Some other reasons breastfeeding can make you feel good:

• Emotional closeness when holding your baby or with skin-to-skin contact
• Looking at your sweet baby’s face, making eye contact
• Spending that mindful and focused time doing something positive
• A sense of accomplishment that breastfeeding is going well
• Feeling confident and even amazed at what your body can do

When breastfeeding is going well, most people experience positive emotions while they’re feeding their baby. It’s something a lot of people hear about and look forward to. It’s one of the many perks of breastfeeding. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t go that way, at least at first.

Sometimes Breastfeeding Does NOT Feel Good

There are some common issues that might make breastfeeding feel less than good. Most people will have some discomfort during breastfeeding at the beginning. That can be completely normal. Breastfeeding takes some learning and practice. The discomfort should go away after a little bit of time, and it shouldn’t be too intense. Some other things that can mean breastfeeding doesn’t feel good can include:

• Nipple pain caused by nipple damage because of an improper latch, bad positioning, or incorrect flange size.
• Nipple pain caused by vasospasms.
• Other kinds of muscle or joint pain caused by trying to hold an uncomfortable position too long.
• Emotional distress or discomfort because of the cultural belief that breasts are sexual objects.
• Frustration if breastfeeding is not going well or you feel insecure about how it’s going.
• Worry and insecurity that your baby is not getting enough milk.
• A condition called D-MER.
• A condition that causes nausea when breastfeeding.

What to Do If Breastfeeding Makes You Feel Bad

If you are having pain with breastfeeding, there may be some simple changes that will fix it. Please see a lactation consultant for that and for anything that doesn’t seem to be working for you. They might have some ideas for changing your experience. It might also be that there isn’t anything they can do to fix the problem, but just knowing that can be helpful. For example, it’s not normal to feed dread or sadness when you’re breastfeeding, but D-MER happens to some people. There might not be anything you can do to make it stop completely, but a lactation consultant might be able to help you feel better about what’s happening. If you know that it’s a real thing, a physical/chemical issue, you might feel better. If you can hear that for most people it improves after a certain amount of time, that might help.

When to Ask for Help

I also like to recommend therapy. New parents need support. New parents experience a lot of challenges, new experiences, and self-doubt. A new parent’s mental health might suffer during this time. Being able to talk to a therapist can help you work through any challenges that might come up, including breastfeeding challenges that don’t have a simple solution. Having supportive people around you can help you recognize the amazing work that you’re doing and the big successes you’ve already achieved. When you can recognize your accomplishments, and keep those in the front of your mind, you might feel better about the things that aren’t going as well.