Is Feeding Your Baby to Sleep Okay?

It’s a common myth that if you feed your baby to sleep, they’ll never learn how to sleep on their own, or that no one else will be able to get them to sleep. This is just not true. Many people use this strategy to get their babies to sleep because it usually works! It’s an easy way to get a baby to sleep, and tired parents will often do whatever it takes. It’s not lazy, it’s just using the tools that you have.

Feeding to Sleep: How It Works

Most people like to use common sense in parenting. It makes sense to feed your baby right before getting them to sleep because they’ll have a very full belly and might not wake up hungry quite as soon. Newborns have especially small bellies. It doesn’t take much to fill them up and they empty quickly. Breast milk also digests very quickly. It’s designed that way. Newborns are actually safer when they wake often. It lowers the risk of SIDS and helps them gain the weight they need. The frequent feeding also helps create a healthy milk supply so you have plenty as your baby grows.

So, most people will feed the baby right before they want them to go to bed. Since it’s close to bedtime, your baby might already be a little sleepy, so it makes sense they’d fall asleep. Breastfeeding is also very relaxing, so it makes even more sense they’d fall asleep. Actually, breast milk itself has hormones in it that induce relaxation and sleepiness! For all of these reasons, it might actually be difficult to keep your baby awake through the feed.

Benefits of Feeding Your Baby to Sleep

When they fall asleep while breastfeeding, it’s OK to use that to your advantage. It can be easy to feed them to sleep, then wait a little while to put them down until they’re really out, or even just hold them while they sleep. It’s very OK to soak up those precious moments that you’ll only get when they’re tiny. You are not a bad or lazy parent for doing that. It’s a very natural thing to do. Feeding to sleep can also offer other benefits to you and to your baby.

• It builds closeness and a sense of safety. The closeness and connection that comes with breastfeeding provides comfort and a secure attachment. Your baby feels comfortable, safe, and taken care of. Often, these babies can sleep for longer stretches when they’re young, and might be more confident sleepers as they get older.
• It helps protect your milk supply. More breastfeeding while you’re together can also ensure a stable milk supply, even during times when you might need to be separated from your baby.
• It offers physical recovery benefits for both of you. More breastfeeding and skin-to-skin contact time provide added physical benefits for you and your baby. Your body can actually recover from birth more quickly, and your baby’s vital signs such as breathing, body temperature, and blood glucose levels tend to be better.
• It can give you some flexibility when you experience a change in routine. If you travel or need to be away from home during naptime, knowing you’ll be able to get your baby to sleep just about anywhere, anytime, by breastfeeding, can make things easier for you.

Are There Consequences?

What some people will worry about is whether letting your baby fall asleep while eating will create a bad habit that they can’t easily shake. What if that becomes the ONLY way you can get your baby to sleep? In that case, if you’re a breastfeeding parent, does that mean that no one else will ever be able to get your baby to sleep?

It’s easy to let yourself jump to these kinds of conclusions. You’re a new parent, and you’ve never done this before. Maybe there are other people in your life telling you that it would be a mistake and that everything will be “ruined”.

Your baby might get dependent on breastfeeding for sleeping, and that might become an inconvenience in some situations. If you have to be away at bedtime, you might worry that your partner or babysitter won’t be able to get your baby to sleep. The truth is that this does sometimes happen, but not usually.

Alternatives To Help Your Baby Fall Asleep

If you prefer not to feed your baby to sleep, or to have additional strategies, there are alternatives.

• Some people prefer to put the baby down while drowsy, right before they fall asleep, so the baby gets used to falling asleep on their own, and without intervention. This works sometimes, but not always. There are some rare babies who actually prefer to be put down and left alone to sleep, but it’s not very common. For the rest of the babies, it can be hard to make yourself take the risk of the baby getting upset and having to start all over! If choosing this option, remember that having a relaxing routine can help, and that consistency and patience are key. You might need to do this repeatedly before it “works” easily.
• Set up other routines WITH the feeding. If you have multiple associations with sleep, you’ll have more tools to use when you need them. You can feed your baby to sleep, but you might first give them a bath and massage. You might also provide special lighting, blankets and sounds or songs as they’re falling asleep at the breast. Eventually, they’ll associate all of those things with sleep, and you or another caregiver might be able to use some of those other tools to help the baby sleep.
• Movement can be a very powerful way to help a baby sleep. Some babies like to be rocked in a chair, or walked in a stroller or baby carrier, driven around in a car, or bounced, swayed, or swung!

The Reality

Like most things in parenting, the answer is not black or white. For you, it’s probably going to be some shade of grey. For someone else, it may be a slightly different shade of grey. There are an infinite number of shades of grey. You’ll probably discover multiple strategies and routines that work for your family. Some babies are very flexible and can sleep any way and anywhere. Some babies are less flexible, and can fall asleep in a more limited number of ways. There may even be some babies who seem to ONLY fall asleep a certain way.

But the reality is that even that baby will eventually fall asleep if their favorite method is not available. If your baby depends on a special routine to fall asleep in their exact bed every night, they’ll figure out how to sleep somewhere else without all of the routines. Your fall-asleep-at-the-breast baby will eventually fall asleep while your partner walks them around the neighborhood or house in a baby carrier, or in the car, or in the rocking chair with grandma. They might not be too happy about it at first, but they will be safe and cared for, and will eventually fall asleep.

It’s a good idea to allow your partner or other caregivers to handle sleep sometimes. They will develop their own special routines and methods for getting the baby to sleep that will work. You’ll be able to feel confident that your baby will sleep even when you’re not around, or when they’re in a strange place.

Also remember that babies are born with a need and a desire for sleep. It is a very natural and necessary bodily function. Babies almost never have sleep “problems”. They don’t refuse to sleep, and they’re not trying to be difficult. They are just having to learn how to do it outside the womb, and that takes time. It’s very natural that their sleep needs and patterns are different from ours. Try to recognize that and understand that your baby is just being what they are… a baby.

What Should You Do?

I don’t think I or anyone should tell you what you should do. I think you should do whatever works for you and your family. It’s normal and natural for your baby to fall asleep at the breast. People have always done this, and still do. It’s also perfectly reasonable to find other ways to help your baby sleep. I encourage you to check in with yourself and do what feels right.

When you parent in a way that is in line with your lifestyle and intuition, and you are able to ignore the other opinions around you, you will likely find a lot more ease and joy in your life with a baby and children. There are a lot of great ways to parent, and I think the key is to find a way that keeps you and your family feeling content and healthy.

Feeding your baby to sleep does not necessarily lead to sleep problems. Babies can fall asleep like that interchangeably with other ways of falling asleep. It can be a helpful strategy, and rarely a problem. But it can become a problem when it no longer feels good to you. When you decide you want to make a change, you will. Most of the time this means you’re ready, and your baby might be too. It’s very possible that it’s an easy transition, like it was for me with one of my children. But it’s not always easy. Sometimes babies protest change, and that’s OK too.

You can still be a nurturing parent while making changes in your routines. It’s important to be consistent, but you can also acknowledge that your baby might need some extra comfort during the transition and that you can provide it in other ways.

Also remember not to underestimate your baby. They change so much and so quickly. They might surprise you, so always be willing to try new things or even try things that didn’t work before.